Thank You Sir (v.redd.it)
19.0k points · submitted by Cultural_Fall_3255 to r/funny
19.0k
all 304 comments
Remarkable_Cup3630 332 points (2 children)
That was always the rule. One person splits it and the other picks which half they want.
1sttimeverbaldiarrhe 43 points
Kitchen rules!
I cut, you choose.
I cook, you clean.
Khiash 10 points (2 children)
My mom tried to teach this lesson to my older brother and I. Brother was tasked with splitting the last of the ice cream between two bowls, naturally one gets way more than the other. Before he walks away, mom asks "okay Khiash, which bowl do you want?"
Brother was shocked that he was bamboozled. I think, if I were in his position I'd be pissed if I got the lesser amount of ice cream, and I don't want to invoke his wrath.
I'll take the smaller one.
Are you sure, Khiash?
Yeah.
Brother walks off with a shit eating grin like he won.
Remarkable_Cup3630 10 points (1 child)
I'm the younger brother as well and when it came to food there was no backing down.
Khiash 8 points (1 child)
Fear is a compelling factor. Now that I'm older, wiser, and considerably fatter he knows he can't get away with that again.
He also has a 6yo son who eats as much as he does, so lol, lmao even.
Remarkable_Cup3630 3 points
I was the skinny kid that would never stop moving and ate more than they did. They could beat me in a fight but not without an effort and I had more energy than them.
LuxNocte 3 points
My brother was always quicker to say "you cut, I pick", so he got more because I wasn't capable of dividing the dessert in precise halves.
DirtandPipes 304 points (2 children)
I once watched a squirrel yank a container of peanut butter out of my mom’s hand as she tried to make a sandwich. He ran away on two legs carrying it while she yelled and chased him, he got away with it too.
Zolo49 90 points (2 children)
I’m pretty sure it’s your fault. He wouldn’t have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you dang kids.
JACCO2008 21 points
The kids have to meddling for it to be their fault. Otherwise it's just bad luck.
DirtandPipes 8 points
I’m glad he made it. Little guy was a hero, the jar looked heavier than he was.
I hope he dragged it back to his tree and blew the minds of the entire local squirrel community.
vitrum_analytika 15 points
Can of Peanut butter is so heavy, bro must be lifting branches in his free time
PreyToTheDemons 1.5k points (4 children)
You have my utmost sincerity for letting me have the big one, sir. Squirrel probably.
copewithlifebyliving 257 points (7 children)
Thats a chipmunk.
Edit, looking back it's as large as a squirrel. Someone please inform me what type of squirrel this is.
jscottman96 164 points (2 children)
Chipmunks are a type of squirrel
FlerplesMerples 209 points (3 children)
You’re a type of squirrel.
jscottman96 115 points (1 child)
At least my mother wasnt a hamster
Musket6969420 94 points (2 children)
But your father, he DID smell of elderberries!
jaysea619 44 points (1 child)
I fart in your general direction.
LorenzosBenz 25 points (1 child)
Please leave or the taunting will commence again.
g4tam20 9 points
Feche la vache
jscottman96 27 points
Got me there mate 👈👈
n1nj4squirrel 9 points
You're not wrong
no1_vern 2 points
It sure the hell feels like I'm on a squirrel wheel trying to make ends meet these days.
KarmaticArmageddon 35 points * (edited 2h ago) (6 children)
Here's the thing. You said a "chipmunk is a squirrel."
Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.
As someone who is a scientist who studies squirrels, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls chipmunks squirrels. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.
If you're saying "squirrel family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Sciuridae, which includes things from tree squirrels to ground squirrels to flying squirrels.
So your reasoning for calling a chipmunk a squirrel is because random people "call the big-cheeked ones squirrels?" Let's get hamsters and gophers in there, then, too.
Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A chipmunk is a chipmunk and a member of the squirrel family. But that's not what you said. You said a chipmunk is a squirrel, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the squirrel family squirrels, which means you'd call hamsters, gophers, and other rodents squirrels, too. Which you said you don't.
It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
Edit: Everyone on this website is too young now. This is one of the most infamous copypastas in reddit history. Google "Unidan jackdaws"
Other_World 18 points * (edited 3h ago) (1 child)
We've really come so far as people not remembering Unidan. Reddit truly is a parody of itself.
KarmaticArmageddon 9 points (1 child)
Right? I miss old reddit where everyone knew every in-joke.
Oh well. Hold my cane, I'm going in.
RhymesWithAndy 5 points
All this debate only to call yourself a squirrel scientist.
lemmeseeyourkitties 4 points (1 child)
Ha, check out this squirrel nerd!
KarmaticArmageddon 3 points
Lmao don't trust anything in that comment, it's not even remotely scientifically correct. It's just a famous copypasta.
Anonymous_Jr 3 points
I need to say this;
I fucking hate the Chipmunk Emoji.
Every time I look for a Squirrel Emote that motherfucker pops up like "haha lookie me, me am technically squirrel, haha gfy~"
Pisses me off we don't have a fucking Red/Grey/Black/etc. Squirrel emoji/emote in the modern fucking era.
03263 1 point
caw... caw
L3ACH13 39 points (2 children)
It looks like a chipmunk to me too but looking up “squirrel that looks like a chipmunk” brings up the Golden-Mantled ground squirrel, and the pictures seem to look a lot like in the video.
wetfloor666 7 points
Thanks. That was the info I was looking for. Definitely looks the part based on what we see in the video.
TheBassDrops 7 points
This is crater lake might help you search
superadical 28 points
It’s a golden mantled ground squirrel. They are bigger than a chipmunk and super friendly.
Source: I have tons of them in my garden in the mountains of Colorado. They have their own distinct personalities and we give them names 🥹
crespoh69 3 points
A gluttonous one apparently
Grouchy_Ground_1916 2 points
That's a chocolate chipmunk, their diet is mostly giant cookies and large pastries.
reidman144 1 point
You have my upmost sincerity for letting me have the big one, chipmunk. Squirrel probably.
Rex_Mundi 1 point
A chocolate chipmunk.
Level_Ad_6372 18 points (2 children)
Sincerity does not mean what you think it means
TackoftheEndless 1 point
I'm still coping with finding out it only means "honest" to this day.
sbingner 1 point
14k upvotes on the top one and only 12 on this one? What? Does nobody know what it means anymore? What do people think it means?
Nina-Boogfilm 2 points
I swear squirrels really do carry this level of chaotic energy out in the wild.
Laidback_Guy 237 points (2 children)
Bro had to fill those cheeks
undonetocompletion 113 points (2 children)
I've used this phrase before in another context
jscottman96 43 points
Clapping award for.....Clapping
XDLaugingEmoji 13 points (1 child)
Was it in regards to me and your mother
Continental__Drifter 4 points
That's what SHE said!
Musket6969420 247 points (1 child)
YOINK
tekko001 22 points (2 children)
Pretty much how my first marriage went
Moo3 29 points (2 children)
A squirrel took your big chunky wife away?
EDDsoFRESH 9 points
Yea? What of it?
Critical_Explorer_82 101 points (3 children)
And that is why the squirrels in many parks have diabetes. Check out those in Zion National Park.
azlan194 71 points (1 child)
Yup, even with signs "Do Not Feed Wildlife!" everywhere, people still do it. They all think they are some sort of a Disney Princess or some shit.
ashkpa 9 points
The ones in Zion carry the bubonic plague, too. I got in a shouting match with some idiot feeding the wildlife atop Angel's Landing once.
ComfortableWeight95 19 points (1 child)
Fun fact, many of the chipmunks in the southwestern US carry the plague. Yeah the actual bubonic plague. Doesn’t stop dumbass tourists from feeding them
the_vault-technician 16 points (1 child)
It's prairie dogs isn't it
Moose-Rage 6 points (1 child)
yeah, that's prairie dogs, not chipmunks.
Laurelindorinan_ 11 points (1 child)
As a native of the western US, I’m afraid that it is both prairie dogs and chipmunks that can naturally carry Yrsenia Pestis. The density of a prairie dog town means that proximity alone (like walking through a field that is a prairie dog town) can lead one to get bitten by a flea/other insect friend that is also a disease vector even though the little prairie dogs themselves inevitably scatter when you approach - this is a vanishingly rare phenomenon (maybe a dozen cases a year?) that usually resolves with a course of antibiotics (I’m unaware of fatalities due to plague in my home state). I think that chipmunks are a lower risk overall because they don’t congregate the same way - but as this video shows, they also aren’t as skittish around people as prairie dogs. I’d personally recommend appreciating both species at a distance!😅
ConfessSomeMeow 3 points
And don't forget squirrels too
Sabz5150 20 points
Jane, his wife!
thisusedyet 21 points (3 children)
Chipmunk pulled a fucking Jane Jetson on the guy
Possible-Tangelo9344 3 points
Fucking hell, what a great reference. I'd give an award if I actually gave money to this site.
Fr05t_B1t 2 points
There has to be a sub for this exact thing right? RIGHT?
brocktoon13 2 points
Sadly I’m old enough to appreciate how perfect this reference is.
Fr05t_B1t 19 points
It gives huge Jetsons intro vibes when the wife takes the husbands wallet instead of the money he takes out for her.
SpikeRosered 11 points
It's that old cartoon gag where you cut out a slice of cake then eat the whole cake.
Substantial_Policy60 384 points (7 children)
No fucking wonder every time I go camping theres some brave ass annoying squirrels. Stop feeding the wildlife...Was getting to the point I was ready to sling shot it. Stay the fuck out of my camp and off the table. The fact its brave enough to climb on a person shows its been fed how many times prior by stupid as fuck campers.
cC2Panda 97 points * (edited 4h ago) (2 children)
The chipmunks in my yard self domesticated. My wife and I put out bird feeders and they would scrounge for bird seed on the ground. Over time they realized we spill some while filling the feeders so they would come check it out when we were around. Eventually one of the chipmunks realized that we liked to work in our sun room so if there was no bird feed he'd climb up the screen and look at us like "HEY YOU'RE OUT OF FOOD".
Both_Abrocoma_1944 45 points (1 child)
That’s tamed, not domesticated.
Utaneus 37 points
Not even necessarily tamed. They are just not afraid of these humans who feed them and don't attack them. If you went and tried to pick up or pet one of those bold chipmunks they would probably bite you and/or scurry away. But yeah, certainly not "self-domesticated" lol.
Odd-Bend1296 2 points
Ya... same in my house. Three bird feeders setup in places where we can watch the birds without disturbing them. The squirrels quickly discovered this and empty them within a day or two. They check it every day and pester me when it is empty.
Creepmyster 6 points (1 child)
"Off the table" is a wild mindset when camping.
EukaryoticEffluvium 2 points (2 children)
Full agree. Like, you're pitching a tent in their living room. Expecting wild animals to respect human property lines, table manners, or "boundaries" in the middle of a forest is laughable.
N3rdr4g3 2 points (1 child)
When you don't feed them, they tend to stay away from large scary predators
EukaryoticEffluvium 1 point
I am aware of the natural order. I just don't care for petty small time moral outrage over something ultimately fucking inconsequential.
Deaffin 1 point
A small critter that doesn't understand not to stand next to a big critter is a dead critter. Yes, even when a table is there too.
deathtronic 8 points * (edited 54m ago) (1 child)
My spouse and toddler were walking our dog (on-leash) in the forest when a overly-friendly Douglas squirrel started interacting with the toddler. Before my spouse had a a moment to react, our dog swooped in and almost instantly killed the squirrel. It was a terrible moment for everyone and unfortunately we had it all on video.
Don't feed the wildlife.
Few_Program_2303 1 point
Old Yeller irl
Balentay 1 point
Isn't that literally how and why those dingoes stole that baby? People fed them and they got WAY too comfortable with humans?
alienpet 5 points (1 child)
FYI, for the people who feeds wildlife: When you feed them you think it's cute, they come steal my things when I don't have much to eat, so when I'm out of food, they become my food. I'm not even slightly joking about this, I've had countless of em. Go ahead keep feeding them, you are shortening their life by doing so.
IHateTheLetterF 3 points (1 child)
I just saw a guy at the park today holding bread, and pigeons literally sitting ON him. Like, 4 pigeons on his arms and torso. So gross
Moose-Rage 8 points (1 child)
I see you met The Pigeon Man
NeatWhiskeyPlease 58 points (1 child)
Don’t feed wild animals.
Also in some places in the US the chipmunks carry bubonic plague.
Berry_Bubbaloo 7 points (1 child)
Chipmunk that lives in my yard even comes to the door to get my dog to chase it. No joke, if my dog is not by the door he comes, starts to chirp until she comes outside. I don’t feed them specifically we have bird feeders but they always come. And now they are friends with my dog… I can’t understand it
New-Trifle-7097 1 point
My Maine Coon has his own chippie friend. They run around the backyard all day. My life is complete watching them.
icarus2847 26 points
These dumb fucks don’t know how to be around wildlife. Ruin it for everyone
MacabreYuki 11 points (3 children)
his greed sickens me.
qft 1 point
I read it in Werner Herzogs voice
wallstreetsimps 1 point
r/fatsquirrelhate is the place
Alt123Acct 5 points
It's that Disney ham gif
excti2 10 points
Do not feed wild animals. JFC people
Unusualhuman 4 points
This reminded me of a squirrel that swiped the toast from my plate in my own backyard. I guess one of the neighbors had been feeding like that for a while, for it to creep right up next to me as soon as I set down the plate?
B_lovedobservations 4 points
He just got mugged by a squirrel
a_shootin_star 15 points
Stop feeding wild animals.
EnemyOfAi 3 points
The issue arose when bro decided a squirrel licking his food didn't matter to him. Like, fucking move your hand away or do something. This is like me holding a bar of chocolate in front of my dog, not moving at all as my dog licks it, then acting surprised when the dog gulps it down.
KnifeKnut 6 points
One of the reasons you don't feed the wild animals.
B19F00T 2 points
moving so slow i'd yank that shit outta ur hands too smdh
JordanPromise 2 points
Bro got robbed by a chipmunk 😂 I laugh because I'm jealous
nilescranenosebleed 2 points
What in the Looney Tunes...
paulerxx 2 points
Bro got kids to feed
Sv99vS 2 points
You break he chooses, thats the only way to do the deal properly
mangotrees777 2 points
Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
redrocklobster18 2 points
Chipmunks are shameless
marcozarco 2 points
midgaze 2 points
A rock squirrel will bite you to make you drop what you're holding and it will draw blood.
Rickyblackzz1887 2 points
Took your shit
tazmo8448 2 points
all the chipmunks I've ever seen are scared as hell of humans that one has gotten use to us
Sir-Toaster- 2 points
What a douche.
ru-berry 2 points
I once sat on a bench eating an Oats and Honey Nature Valley bar when a squirrel showed up and took the other bar that was sitting in the package next to me on the bench and then he just sat facing forward on the bench eating it and acting like there was nothing weird about it. I was really exhausted from just having taken a terrible exam and so just let it happen.
Sad_Air_7667 2 points
If you see this, get off the internet now, go to sleep and end your day smiling. This is so fucking cute.
1 point (1 child)
[deleted]
aBrickNotInTheWall 10 points (2 children)
That's literally not how taxes work
thebuft 0 points (1 child)
But it is how it feels
aBrickNotInTheWall 7 points
I don't understand how being taxed less than 30% of your income to maintain society feels like having 90% of your cookie stolen by a squirrel
meshuggahsenpai 1 point
Valid
teaquad 1 point
Well the little fukr
LoganN64 1 point
Aww, how nice of that squirrel to share with you!
MoistHope9454 1 point
Looks like elon musk
TheDAYNITE 1 point
Try it with the sauce bro. Trust me you'll like it.
NotNonbisco 1 point
In case someone needs a reminder, humans measure value in money, animals measure value in calories, letting any animal get that close to your food is like letting a dude rummage through your wallet and bank account.
You just got pressed and bitched by a squirrel
Joshtheboss732 1 point
ResidentPreference76 1 point
Cutee
Bahlsen63 1 point
Taxes getting steeper.
OurNewestMember 1 point
He left you some. So sweet! 😭
Toxic-Sky 1 point
The squirrel is obviously just used to the most fair way of diving food. "You split, I pick". You wanted an equal or bigger piece? Let the squirrel split it next time!
ItsJustJohnCena 1 point
Is this by any chance at Algonquin park?
Hereva 1 point
If he went and divided in half the squirrel would've just taken half either way haha
OwnBunch4027 1 point
Not his first rodeo.
RealLunarSlayer 1 point
Look, Quercus; our Shield has given us a cookie
siccoblue 1 point
How generous of you 🤭
Coletteduvs 1 point
Maybe its the FITA fairy at least you’re gonna get 3/4 car
UmbraNight 1 point
u really don’t want chipmunks yall. worse than rats.
no1_vern 1 point
Sir, you look a bit fat, let me help you with your diet. Yoink!!
nachdemspiel 1 point
The "Blondie" cartoon series often showed Dagwood opening his wallet to give her a banknote, and her taking the entire wallet.
DoesGeologyRockRuri 1 point
Muttley, do something!
PhilosopherFLX 1 point
Growing up, one brother divided the food and the other chose which piece they wanted. It is only fair.
Jraksys_Magnanimous 1 point
You tried to pull a Sasha on it.
intr0v3rt13 1 point
It was quite generous of that chipmunk to let you have such a huge chunk of food. 😂
Frosty_Worth164 1 point
Greedy little thing
Due-Order3475 1 point
Cheeky little rodent 😆
Anton-LaVey 1 point
Anyone else think OP looks and sounds like Kevin Sussman?
DryDiscipline2001 1 point
I mean he really fucking let him do it, didn’t even try a bit to shield the thing from the squirrel, kinda dumb
MRintheKEYS 1 point
“Is that all you want??? Really??? Ok dude I’ll take the big piece then.”
GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace 1 point
He just fed the thing for the entire winter
LongAdagio8865 1 point
.
0x7E7-02 1 point
Huh ... just like my son.
Idontownamustang 1 point
Government squirrel
Muhahahahaz 1 point
Jane, his wife!
Slasherpiece 1 point
No good deed goes unpunished
thebaconjoker 1 point
That is some Bugs Bunny shit right there
Chance-Opening-4705 1 point
His greed sickens me.
SubstantialAirss 1 point
🐿️: “Now give your self a little treat too. Sharing is caring” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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